Breaking the Cycle: Why Smart Women Stay In Toxic Relationships (2 of 3)

We Can Mistake Familiarity with Safety

There is a reason why you have this deep-seated feeling that you have been here before in a previous relationship. Its because you have. You are repeating old patterns.

Many women can unknowingly gravitate towards what feels familiar, even if it is very toxic. If you were raised in a setting that was fraught with neglect and emotional volatility, you may associate love with proving your worth. And this kind of programming does not disappear overnight. Instead of seeking out normalcy, your brain may register emotional chaos as normal and a sign of love. Distance can feel more like desire, and chaos can feel like sparks flying.

Here is the wake-up call you probably need: familiarity is not the same as safety. Just because you are used to something doesnt mean its healthy for you, and it doesnt mean it is love. A soulmate connection will not be rooted in a trauma bond.

Intelligence Does Not Safeguard You From Emotional Entanglement

There is a certain shame that a smart woman can feel when she is in a poor relationship. You may think to yourself, I should have known better. Such feelings of shame can serve as a burden, causing one to remain in an unhealthy relationship for an extended period. Emotional competency is not the same as intellect, and emotional intelligence does not automatically protect you from emotional chaos. You can be self-aware and still feel connected to someone who isnt aligned with you. This is because you can be intelligent but still be navigating abandonment wounds, challenging attachment styles, or just the deep-rooted need to be loved.

In fact, some smart women actually overthink themselves into staying longer. They may intellectualize their feelings, analyze their partners bad behavior, and convince themselves that there is some logical way to repair what is broken. They may use intellectually lofty tools and guides to explain away toxicity, for instance with astrology, psychology, or childhood trauma. Whatever the reasoning may be, healing does not come from finding endless logic around bad behavior.