7 Tips For Finding Mr. Right Instead of Mr. Right Now
Be honest. Back in your younger days, you were prone to dating guys just to rebel, right? Guys you swore you weren’t serious about. Maybe it was the moody guitarist in high school that you thought you could fix. Or a charming college classmate who wasn’t big into commitment, but you kept him around anyway for the “benefits.” When your friends asked you about your choices in men, you brushed it off. “Whatever. It’s not like we’re getting married. All I’m looking for is Mr. Right Now.” They all gave a nod because they knew the guys you kept bringing into your life always came with an expiration date. But as you’ve gotten older, you now realize that maybe it’s time to seek out meaningful relationships. The problem is, you’re stuck and aren’t sure how to go about it. It’s a good thing we’re around to help, right? Here are 7 ways to find Mr. Right and move past Mr. Right Now.
1. Feeling lonely? Mr. Right Now won’t fix it
The problem with loneliness is that we end up convincing ourselves that any kind of attention is good attention, even when it clearly isn’t. Repeat this phrase to yourself over and over again: Hookups aren’t the solution; they’re merely a sign of desperation. Sure, you might feel better on Saturday nights, but when Sunday morning arrives, you’ll be left feeling emptier than ever before. A shallow connection merely masks the feeling of loneliness when what you need is something that heals it.
2. Remember that time is your most valuable currency, so spend it wisely
Every moment that you spend with Mr. Right Now is time that could have been invested in becoming the version of yourself that a true Mr. Right deserves. This is especially the case when you’re in your 20s and 30s, when, at least in theory, you should be mentally maturing as a person. Sure, it’s not hard to find a cheap kind of validation, but if you want a meaningful connection, it requires investment, self-awareness, and patience.
3. Boredom isn’t a reason to gamble with your heart (or his)
What starts as “just for fun” often leads to misunderstandings and mismatched expectations. One of you might view the relationship merely as a way to pass the time, believing it is not meant to be serious at all. Meanwhile, the other is imagining a future together. Whether you’re playing the role of heartbreaker or the one getting blindsided, the emotional pain and suffering that invariably follow makes you wonder why you keep doing this.
4. Understand that filling a void won’t help you grow
When dealing with the stresses in life, there’s a temptation to use attention, hookups, and flirtations as a way to distract you from your problems. But distraction shouldn’t be confused with direction. If you lack emotional and physical stability, your dating life will continue to remain chaotic. Take time for yourself and build a life you can be satisfied with, even if it means taking a break from relationships until you’re in a healthy state of mind. Once you achieve the growth you’re seeking, the right kind of relationships will follow.
5. Learn to realize that love should never feel like settling
Once you’ve dated enough Mr. Right Nows, you begin to convince yourself that casual, bare-minimum relationships are the only kind that exist. But in reality, deep and meaningful relationships are a thing, and they are achievable with the right mindset and a willingness to seek out guys who are into commitment. When it comes down to it, low-effort flings aren’t a substitute for intimacy, they merely serve as shallow placeholders.
6. Recognize that how you treat yourself dictates how guys will treat you
This last one is huge. Whatever you settle for in a relationship ultimately communicates your standards to both the men you date and yourself. If you set the bar really low, you will be treated accordingly. But if you demonstrate respect, consistency, and emotional maturity, you will attract the kind of guys who embody these traits as well. If you get anything from this article, it’s that loving others starts with loving yourself.
7. If you find yourself wondering if he’s Mr. Right, we bet he isn’t!
Sure, go on a few dates with him, see how it goes. However, if you start making excuses or overanalyzing the reasons for remaining with him, it’s a clear indication that you’re reverting to your old, harmful patterns. You’ll need to let him go. Waiting for something real can feel lonely, we get it. But surely you agree it’s nothing compared to being stuck with someone who was never meant to stay. Be good to yourself.