10 Ways To Spot Emotional Manipulation Before It Becomes Toxic (3 of 6)

They Overwhelm You With Emotional Highs and Lows

Manipulators often alternate between warmth and withdrawal. One moment they’re affectionate and attentive, and the next, cold and distant. This creates a push-pull dynamic that keeps you guessing and desperate to gain their approval.

The inconsistency is intentional; it hooks you into trying harder to please them. Real care is steady and reliable and not conditional on how well you serve someone’s ego.

They Use Intimacy as Leverage

In romantic relationships especially, manipulators may weaponize vulnerability. They might withhold affection to punish you, use private information against you, or guilt trip you for needing or asking for reassurance.

True intimacy involves not transaction, but trust. If emotional closeness always feels like a negotiation, you are likely dealing with something closer to manipulation than love.