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Are You Actually Living Life on Your Terms? 7 Uncomfortable Signs You’re Not

Certain types of crises are subtle and not overtly loud. They are the kind that sneak up on you, like something you can’t quite put your finger on. You might wake up in the middle of the night and wonder, “How did I get here?” You’ve been ticking off all the boxes and doing all the “right” things. You may think you’re in the right city or job or relationship, but something still feels off. Like you are a guest in your own body. This is the first hint of something deeper: you might not actually be living life for yourself.

Sometimes you can be acting out a version of life that was handed to you—by your parents, your partner, your culture, or even a version of you that you outgrew ten years ago. If you’ve been feeling disconnected from yourself, even numb, like you are a supporting character in someone else’s story, then you may be living life for everyone else for yourself. Here are 7 signs that you are not living life on your own terms.

1. Your Life Feels Performative

No matter what room you walk into, you mask with a version of yourself that fits what others expect of you. The versions of you at work, home or even social media are all different. And while we all code switch sometimes, it is a problem when you don’t know which version, if any of them, are real or fake.